Humour: My cousin’s business idea that was blown up by Makuti bar


I have been busy with my business associate Ole Gunia, with whom, I am sure by now, you know we have a honey processing startup in Mavumbi town.
Already, Asali Asili Enterprises has been showing prospects of lifting us from the economic doldrums that stuck since the Covid 19 pandemic struck.
For your information, we have acquired rental premises where the semblance of a cottage industry will be operating from.
I remember telling you about Gololi, our errand boy who was attacked by vagabond bees.
He has since recovered from the ordeal, but has vowed not to work with us again unless we pay him his full dues in advance.
That is yet to be agreed upon.
So I was in our business premises in the outskirts of town, supervising an artist working on the business signboard, when my cousin Tim called me saying he needed some business ideas from me.
Apparently, he had acquired a business loan from a mobile lender to the tune of 5,000 shillings.
Some people intimate that mobile money lenders can be as mean as Shylocks, and unless one is business savvy, chances of messing up are quite high.
You see, Tim’s excitement was not as much about the kind of business he would start, but the mere fact that he had finally bought a smartphone and then managed to get a loan using an app on the device.
Fortunes change, and this was his moment. All along he had been using a mulika mwizi held together by rubber bands.
I told him we could meet at Makuti Bar.


I’ve always held the belief that it’s wise never to stand in the way of someone pursuing their dreams, however far-fetched they may sound.
Within half an hour Tim was in town, waving his smart phone in the air.
After exchanging pleasantries and village weather updates, and how his goat Susan produced twins, we got to the gist of our meeting.
Wearing the face of a motivational speaker, I told him that even prominent businesses began with little capital.
He suggested that we should have a few bottles of beer to “unlock the brain” so that business ideas could come flying in torrents.
The beer tasted quite nice as soothing music played through huge speakers mounted on the ceiling.
Yondo Sister came over and after wiping our table, enquired if we would need lunch so that the kitchen staff could be alerted.
Tim nodded vigorously, saying it was obvious alcohol cannot be taken without some good nyama choma. We ordered for roasted goat locally known as ‘tumbukiza’.
We also ordered for ugali to go with the goat.
When Yondo Sister came over to serve our fourth round, Tim also asked her to take a soda.
She declined, suggesting she would take “Guiness kubwa mbili” after work.
Tim agreed to this request, not knowing how much damage this was dealing his mobile wallet.
By the time we were through with “patting our backs” after discussing zero business ideas, Tim’s mobile loan was virtually depleted.
When he finally checked his balance, only a hundred bob was left, which was his fare back to the village.
I reminded him he now could get a second loan, which I wasn’t sure he could.

By Pascal Mwandambo

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